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Weekend Results
22/09/2012
In the GFA Cup 1st round The Downs B. beat Clifton St Vincents F.C. 3-1. Also the Suburbans beat Totterdown United F.C 3-1. The 2nd round matches are on 27th October.
In the Downs League Downs A drew 4-4 with Retainers. The As play in the GFA 1st round on Saturday.
Netball report thus:
Another win for the 6’s!! Beating Cosmos 38-24. A great game, some of their players were division 2 but we were ready for them! Held possession well and powered ahead. Mair got player of the match from them for ‘on fire Mair’ shooting and Linners got it from us for great attacking play and space. Wooo Hooooo!!!
The 11’s did not play.
23/09/2012
The Casuals beat Axbridge 5-2.
Eastonite Set Upon Eastonite
The Green Otters beat the Purple Jags
The question is how many emails does it take to organise a cricket friendly?
The answer is a number approaching infinity.
Having got together about 24 willing participants to play a friendly on Sunday someone thought to check the weather forecast. Finding that is was going to be a beautiful day on Saturday but piss down on Sunday the match was moved. 20 willing participants were found and after a final flurry of emails to discuss the dress code the Cowboys headed to Farmborough for an intra-club friendly.
With the fall of the false idol that was Green Gibbo and having got over the whole monotheistic thing, the Eastonites found two new deities: Strange and Otter Man (no special powers but fond of fish). Team Strange was called the Purple Jags (after an email address) and Otter Man’s team was called the Green Otters (after the colour of his trousers).
The match was played at Farmborough which is hallowed ground for the Cowboys being the homeland of Eddy Bridges. It is also where two Saturday teams will be based next season.
Otter Man won the toss and elected to bat first. And so Wilko and Grove strode manfully to the crease, or rather Wilko waltzed in the Werburghs style and Grove minced rather. So what is it like this Farmborough pitch? Well, the first few overs proved that bowling down the hill there is a fair amount of bounce but bowling up the hill there are a few demons in the pitch causing the odd ball to shoot or jag extravagantly off the seam. However, it is not a bad pitch to bat. The really odd thing though is the colour of the soil, which has to be seen to be believed… No,really you will have to see it yourself.
After a while Wilko was bowled by a peach from Matt D and Noodles strode to the crease in a nutritious style. Batting with a contact lens missing Noodles was looking quite comfortable biffing a few fours until he was out to a ‘back leg aberration’ playing across the line to Uberpops. Justine strode manfully to the crease before succumbing to a demon, chopping a ball that did not bounce back onto his stumps from outside off.
Enter Fat Boy Littleton, the paunch star. Waving his big three pounder about in a manly manner he quickly biffed his way to 44 off 34 balls. With asthmatic Grove at one end and Fat Boy at the other the stand of 82, which included a lot of ‘sharp’ running between the wickets, looked like a cruel reality TV programme. Before Boults’ second over Fat Boy said “I am going to go after Boults now”, three balls later he was out and Boults was doing a lap of honour (much like Usain Boults, his younger brother, but without the adulation).
Iggy then made a brief cameo before being run out when Matt D hurled a ball in, bouncing it off a bemused Uberpops to hit the wickets at the bowler’s end. If one interesting run out was not enough it was quickly followed by another one. Spotting that DC2 had miss-fielded at mid-on Grove called through Alex for what he was sure would be a safe single, DC2 had other ideas and wanged the ball in for a direct hit.
Grove was finally out for 84 off 89 balls having been dropped three times; finally being caught at long(ish) on by Uberpops off Matt D. The ball after this Garnier was out to an ‘aberration’ but Otter Man steadfastly deprived Matt D his hat-trick. The Green Otters finished their 35 overs on 212 for 8.
The pick of the bowling was Matt D who bowled on an impressive 3 for 9 and Uberpops who finished with and arthritic 23-1.
Grove and Uberpops provided the tea. In fact Uberpops did the tea and Grove just held his hand going round Morrison’s to make sure he didn’t have a fall. Having bad mouthed foreign influences on the English cricket tea all season Grove was somewhat embarrassed to find that Uberpops had produced a sumptuous spread in the colonial style. Or to put it another way the tea was Indian, consisting as it did of tandoori chicken, samosas, Bombay mix and a platter of Indian sweets. The whole tea was saved for the faddy, spice averse and xenophobicly palated, by the fact that Mrs Uberpops, horrified by a tea consisting wholly of foods from the sub-continent, made some Rhubarb crumble cakes that were an absolute triumph.
After far too much cake and beer the Otters took to the field and Boults and Grant took to the crease. Garner opened the bowling with an impressive 1 for 13 off 5 overs and Fat Boy opened from the other end going for 10 off 4 overs with no wickets. After the departure of Grant Matt C came to the crease with one thing on his mind – BIFF. He hit 34 off 34 balls which included two 6s (one of which upset Grove so much he is still sulking). When Boults was out for 28 Matt D and then Reg tried to keep the required rate down by hitting 22 off 18 balls and 39 off 45 balls respectively. But with Wilko getting Matt C and Iggy getting both Matt C and Strange, on his way to 2 for 20, the Purple Jaguar was stalling. A knackered Reg was finally run out going for a weary second run and with the required rate now insurmountable Justine mopped up the tail end taking 3 for 8.
So, with the Purple Jag’s innings petering coasting to a halt for 178 all out in the last over the Otter Man Empire prevailed. Their prize was a very small glass trophy from which Otter Man’s Sloe Gin was imbibed.
The match was recorded immaculately by Erica using coloured pens in the professional style. Even more pleasing than coloured pens was the fact that Erica uses triangles correctly for the byes and the leg-byes.
Green Otters’ Innings
| Batsman | How Out | Bowler | Total |
| Wilko | Bowled | Matt D | 2 |
| Grove | Ct. Uberpops | Matt D | 84 |
| Noodles | Aberration | SteveO | 12 |
| Justine | Bowled | Matt C | 8 |
| Fat Boy | Bowled | Boults | 44 |
| Iggy | Run Out | Matt D | 10 |
| Alex | Run Out | DC2 | 1 |
| Garnier | Aberration | Matt D | 10 |
| Deano | Not | Out | 7 |
| Otter Man | Not | Out | 5 |
| W 19, NB 2, B 2, LB 6 | Total | 212 |
| Bowler | O | M | R | Wkts | W | NB |
| Stratto | 3 | 0 | 15 | 0 | 5 | 0 |
| Matt D | 5 | 2 | 8 | 3 | 2 | 0 |
| Uberpops | 5 | 0 | 23 | 1 | 1 | 0 |
| TT | 4 | 0 | 29 | 0 | 0 | 1 |
| DC2 | 5 | 0 | 31 | 0 | 1 | 0 |
| Matt C | 3 | 0 | 20 | 1 | 2 | 0 |
| Strange | 3 | 0 | 24 | 0 | 2 | 1 |
| Boults | 5 | 0 | 34 | 1 | 5 | 0 |
| Grant | 2 | 0 | 20 | 0 | 1 | 0 |
Purple Jags’ Innings
| Batsman | How Out | Bowler | Total |
| Boults | Ct. Otter Man | Deano | 28 |
| Grant | Bowled | Garnier | 1 |
| Matt C | Bowled | Iggy | 34 |
| Matt D | Ct. Justine | Wilko | 22 |
| Reg | Run | Out | 39 |
| Strange | Bowled | Iggy | 15 |
| TT | Bowled | Justine | 3 |
| SteveO | Not | Out | 4 |
| DC2 | Bowled | Justine | 1 |
| Stratto | Bowled | Justine | 4 |
| W 18, NB 1, B 8, LB 0 | Total | 178 |
| Bowler | O | M | R | Wkts | W | NB |
| Garnier | 5 | 0 | 13 | 1 | 5 | 0 |
| Fat Boy | 4 | 1 | 10 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| Stroddy | 3 | 0 | 30 | 0 | 1 | 0 |
| Grove | 3 | 1 | 11 | 0 | 2 | 0 |
| Iggy | 5 | 1 | 20 | 2 | 6 | 0 |
| Deano | 3 | 0 | 23 | 1 | 1 | 0 |
| Wilko | 5 | 0 | 17 | 1 | 0 | 0 |
| Alex | 3 | 0 | 22 | 0 | 1 | 0 |
| Noodles | 2 | 0 | 14 | 0 | 2 | 1 |
| Justine | 2 | 0 | 8 | 3 | 0 | 0 |
FC Kolektivo Victoria
This tournament write-up is stolen from their facebook page. Like Them!
SKULLDUGGERY-BY-THE-SEA – AUGUST 2012
So our first 11-a-side tournament has arrived, Skullduggery-by-the-Sea, organised by the Easton Cowboys and Cowgirls to celebrate their twentieth anniversary. Unfortunately, the teammate who volunteered to drive us all to the tournament has fallen ill the night before, and we’re stuck in the city. After a lot of phone calls and texts we headed to the bus s
tation for a hastily-organised coach to Bristol, arriving four hours later than planned. Thankfully a Cowboy was waiting to give us a lift to the tournament – cheers Geoff! (and to Nick for sorting it out).
On arriving at the tournament we headed straight for the pitches hoping we hadn’t already missed a game. For a brief moment we thought the ringers of FC Kolektivo Hebden Bridge had inflicted a 3-0 win over a team in our absence, but unfortunately the 3-0 win over BYE, was just that – a bye. Amazing what a 4am alarm call for what turned out to be a 10am bus will do to your cognitive faculties. After finding someone who knew what was going on, it turned out we’d be playing our first match an hour later. FCKV were to join up with representatives of Hebdon Bridge to participate as FC Kolektivo Hebden Bridge – it rolls off the tongue, though I don’t remember it being taken up by the crowd. We’d hoped for six of us and five of them, but in the end there was only three of us and two of them – Pete and Matt. So getting some more players was the first order of the day. In total, over our three matches we had around 15 different players pull on the red shirt, from The Yard, Easton, Republica, Kilchoan FC and our group opponents Autonomos FC and Red Star Bedminster, as well as a couple of unaffiliated players. It was a football love-in.
Our first match was against local side Red Star Bedminster. Unfortunately we lost 2-1, though it was a game we all felt we could have won (that familiar footballing story?). The game did however produce Lee’s first goal from open play, and it was a peach. After receiving the ball on the edge of the area, he beat one man, Cryuff-turned another, and then curled the ball into the bottom left corner with his weaker foot. Our defence played fairly well together despite having met only moments before kick-off, as did the midfield, but despite that Red Star scored twice. We did have a number of shots on goal, including one which should have instead been a pass to Lee for an open goal, but the equalizer never came.
On Saturday our opponents were the lovely people from Sao Paulo, Autonomos FC (wearing the Lunatics strip). South American football is something that most of us grew up admiring, so we took the opportunity to become part of a long and honourable British footballing tradition by being beaten comfortably by a Brazilian side. While we were only 1-0 down there still seemed to be a chance for us, but after a magnificent triple save from what seemed like every player in our front line kept out an equaliser, we succumbed to a 3-0 defeat. Two games and two defeats meant that sadly there was no chance of us qualifying from our group.
Playing for pride, our final group game was against the Lithuanian party machine, FC Vova. Matt turned up for the game straight from the children’s area where his daughter had expertly painted the three emblems on the team’s shirts on his face and hands. I’m personally hoping that this will become a Kolektivo tradition, with the most committed opting for tattoos. Unfortunately, this ritualistic daubing didn’t bring us quite enough mojo to register a win, but we did manage a 1-1 draw against a team who would make it to the final of the competition.
The Kolektivo goal was generously scored by Vova’s centre-half in a moment of international solidarity. In fact, he was under considerable pressure from Lee who is now officially the team’s top 11-a-side scorer with one goal and one assist. That’s a record that’s likely to stand for some time given our allergy to 11-a-side football.
On Sunday we were scheduled to play The Yard, but down to 3 men with shot knees, melted heads, and in desperate need of breakfast – the 10am game was forfeited.
Anyway, we enjoyed ourselves on the pitch, despite how bloody massive it seemed to those of us more used six-a-side (very few gazelle-like runs from defence this tournament), and we met some excellent people. Skinner, Matt and Pete made up the defence, alongside a lad from the food tent whose name (shamefully) I can’t remember right now. Lee and Jimmi tore around midfield with plenty of forays up front, and we had a range of people from other teams doing their very best to get us some goals and a few points – Steve, Johnny, Patric, Rafael, and Kaz are just a few of those.
After the days competition the partying began again. Lee and Jimmi claimed later to have “bossed” the table football in the beer tent for around 30 minutes, “beating allcomers”. I suspect this means that it took them half an hour to beat two small, tired children by a scoreline of 10-9, all the while whooping like loons. Their games against two FC Vova players apparently came close to the first ever table football pitch invasion. Thus far, a representative from the Lithuanian club has been unavailable to comment on the allegation. The FCKV trio were all gutted to have missed the set by top quality local band Spanner on the Thursday evening, but apparently Saturday’s talent show went some way to making up for that disappointment. The high point was a bloke masquerading as a paedophile shuffling around to ‘BAD’ by Michael Jackson, occasionally stopping to reveal a giant cock and pissing on members of the audience. It really is time Cliff Richard packed it all in.
A really big ‘cheers’ goes to the Kebele Resource Centre in Bristol, and Anarchist Teapot from Brighton who provided some fantastic food across the weekend (and also to those who were catering for the meat-eaters) – it was all excellent. Congratulations to Easton Cowboys and Cowgirls for putting on a fantastic tournament, which we were very happy to be part of, and thanks to everyone who was involved in putting it together. We’d particularly like to thank Nick for making us feel very welcome in the weeks running up to the tournament, Geoff for driving us from Bristol, and Kev and Roger for going above and beyond the call of duty.
We are in the early planning stages of what we hope will be the first tournament we host in the summer of 2013 where we look forward to repaying the welcome and the hospitality we have enjoyed on our travels this summer.
Netabll Kicks Off
15/09/2012
Both Netball Team’s won their first matches. They repoty thus:
The 6’s [the 1st Team which plays in division 6] clocked a WIN for first match of the season against Fry’s 42-27 with Mair getting voted player of the match by them and Mare from us. Our experience and friendship as a team really shone through against a younger squad.
The 11s [the second team that play in division 11] made it a DOUBLE WIN DAY, with victory over the Olveston Bs 26-11. After a close first quarter Olveston pulled ahead and were leading us 7-5 at half time. But the third quarter saw a transformation: our defence held strong and only conceded one, while the attack began a brilliant streak of goals that lasted until the end of the match. In the final quarter there were 15 Cowgirls goals in 15 minutes!
Cat was voted player of the match by Olveston, with a tied vote of super shooters Max and Kate from us. A promising start to the new season and a great first game for everyone, particularly new Cowgirls Kate, Holly, Emma and Katie. Well played!
Downs A beat All Saints 1-3.
Downs B lost to Retainers Res 3-1
16/09/2012
The Ultra Casuals lost to Deportivo Cha Cha Cha 3-5.
In the last match of the season Failand lost to Brislington in Sunday Div 3 of the North Somerset Cricket League meaning that The Sunday 1st Team finish joint 4th with Carsons & Mangotsfield CC on 39 points.
The Fantasy League has also finished with RT2 suspiciously winning, with Dunc in 2nd place and Justine in 3rd place. The highest non-cricketer was Dainty Wallop in 10th place. DC1 managed to have the bottom two places with his team of players born in Bristol narrowly pipping his team of players who were at his mums funeral to last place.
The best performing player was also won by RT2 with 1182 points with Green Gibbo in 2nd place on 956 points and Dunc in 3rd on941 points. The lowest valued player in the top ten was Uberpops who finished in 10th place but only cost 7 billion pounds.
Glancing throught the stats a few figures stand out:
- Wilko took 8 catches which is more than anyone else including wicket keepers!
- Green Gibbo topped the Man of the Match votes oddly winning 3.5 times.
- Pagey finished bottom of the player rankings on -30 points.
- RT2 tookj 25 wickets, the next highest was TT on 17
Visit the fantasy league site to see a full and final league table.
Shocker! Banksy in goal for the Easton Cowboys
The BBC have reviewed the new Easton Cowboys book. You can read The Review here.
Meanwhile the book istself is available from The Plough for ten of your English pounds.
Balls Of Different Sizes
08/09/2012
The Suburbans drew there first game of the season 1-1 with Old Georgians
Downs A Beat Cotswool 6-3
Downs B drew 1-1 with Portland Old Boys Res
The Satuday Cricket Team lost to Midsomer Norton by 1 run. The match report is here.
09/09/2012
The Sunday 1st Team beat division champions Churchways by 93 runs. The full scorecard is here.
The Sunday 2nd Team lost to Farmborough by 56 runs. The full scorecard is here. Fat Boy’s write up goes as follows:
And now the end was near….. The end of an era at Frenchay? And what a way to finish, 2 home games cheek by jowl. The 1sts chose to use their knowledge of the Frenchay 2nd pitch against table topping Churchways, so the 2nds had our chance on the Frenchay 1st team pitch against our soon to be Saturday hosts Farmborough, or the tractor boys as they call themselves.
James tossed off badly, so the opposition chose to bat, a decision they might have been regretting after Littleton’s northern tightness, and Ghanaby’s more exuberant pace had them on the back foot. A fortuitous lbw for Ghanabay took care of one opener, a regulation catch for Reg off DL1 the other, before Ghanaby clean bowled number 3. He softened up number 5 by hitting him in the box with a delivery, then taking a return catch 2 balls later, otherwise known as softening him up! At 32-4 the Cowboys scented something, was it victory….? However numbers 4 & 6 had other ideas, with our opening bowlers taking a well earned rest, these 2 batsmen started the rebuilding until the skipper removed number 4 Knight for 35, Rob Brown however continued to make hay at the bowlers’ expense, and ably supported by numbers 7 and 8 took the score onto 171, number 7 falling to Alex who gained confidence as his spell went on, number 8 to a catch for the Ghanabian off Matt, who then produced the cider moment by holding onto a stunning caught and bowled, which involved hurling himself, twisting and clutching a ball that had been hammered down the pitch at him to remove top scorer Brown. Quite a remarkable feat for anyone let alone a man of his size. His next 2 balls both went for 6, with Matt blaming the damage to his hand. DL1 and Ghanaby were brought back with the latter mopping up the tail, and with Matt returning the compliment of a catch, and another dubious lbw earned himself the honour of his first ever jug for the Cowboys with 5-29. The tractor boys had posted a respectable total of 185.
Tea had been prepared by Nelly, who had offered to do so despite having to pull out of the team with an injury, which of course deserves an honourable mention. He was however slightly perturbed by the gargantuan appetite of the farmers which left slightly less than he had imagined for the hosts. Over tea talk was of batsmen playing themselves in, and victory would be within sight.
So to the Cowboys Sunday 2s final ever innings in the Sunday league, until we switch back again. The visitors didn’t appear to have been weighed down by their stuffing at tea, and the Cowboys batsmen appeared not to have listened to their own words as Simon, Grant, Matt, and Reg all disappeared back into the hutch like startled rabbits with the score on 14, 14-4!!! Simon managed to find one of only 2 leg side fielders for a fairly good catch, Grant had a rare rush of blood to the feet for a limpet, and ran himself out going for a suicidal second run, Matt and Reg both bowled by the impressive Rob Brown. Ghanaby however had been listening quietly at tea, and with the right mix of determination to keep out the good ball, and hit out at the bad, managed to take the score past the Cowboys lowest ever total before the skipper succumbed, followed by Johnsie not long after for another dubious lbw. The old hands on the boundary wondered whether Simon’s height gives him a slightly warped perspective of where a ball that hits a batsman’s thigh is going to end up! DL1 came out with the game still possibly winnable, and he and Ghanaby set about restoring the innings and hoping to put the Cowboys in a position to make a charge, however the hero of the day somewhat tarnished his image by shamelessly throwing away his wicket 4 shy of having to buy a second jug.
DL1 and Stroddy added a useful partnership, before the former departed like a tired old man with 7 overs left and 70+ still needed. Into the arena strode DC2, and apart from being blamelessly involved of a confused Stroddy, managed to confound all those on watching by adding another 20 with Alex, including two fours. The rapture with which these were greeted led those on the other pitch to suspect that an unlikely victory had been achieved however twas not to be, in the final game of the Sunday 2s we had been defeated by 56 runs, which kind of sums up this and the past few seasons really.
I suppose tractors are always going to come out on top against cows, however this agricultural match was played in excellent spirit. Ghanaby was unsurprisingly man of the match, Matt’s catch won cider moment. Well done to all Cowboys who have turned out for the 2s this season despite all the upheavals I have enjoyed it immensely.
The Last Revelation
08/09/2012
The Saturday Team lost by 1 run to Midsomer Norton. You can see the full scorecard here.
Last week Green Gibbo was on holiday. Or as The Book of Revelation puts it: “Great Green Gibbo went forth with the kings of the earth and committed fornication, and the inhabitants of the earth have been made drunk with the wine of their fornication”. The locals were no doubt kept awake by the whine of their fornications as well.
What happens when an omnipresent god goes on holiday? Team selection goes tits up, that’s what. With Green Gibbo off fornicating in Spain RT1 decided to pick a team. No sooner had this happened than a missive from Green Gibbo arrived via email. The email stated that Green Gibbo could not get his email to work so he was sending an email to say he had no idea who was available but he had picked a team anyway. The logic of sending an email to inform people that your email is not working is beyond the ken of mortal men. Apparently Green Gibbo believes that it is better to send than receive emails (and give rather than take, obviously… bugger I alluded to fornication again… oh arse I just used ‘bugger’ in the same sentence as ‘fornication’… oh fuck I just uses the word ‘arse’ in the same sentence as the words ‘bugger’ and ‘fornication’… etc.). On getting the email RT1 then re-picked a team that looked a little more like the one Green Gibbo had picked and emailed it out.
Surprisingly there was a reply to RT1’s second selection effort from Miguel, the barman at Hotel Babylon where Green Gibbo was staying; this said that Miguel was incensed. How on earth could Jose, Julio and Juan be left out because all three are “sturdy fellows”, or at least this is the phrase that is returned if you put “macho hombre” into Google Translate.
And so it was that Green Gibbo, riding a magnificent seven headed beast (or a small green Nisan Micro if you refrained from the mushrooms on Friday night) led the Eastonites from The Promised Plough for the last time this season to do battle at Midsomer Norton.
The pitch was hard, dry and flat a bit like – insert your own tasteless joke here. In fact it was by far the best batting wicket that the Eastonites had seen all season and once you’ve factored in a fast out field it was the perfect opportunity to discard Plan A (win the toss and bowl first) and Plan B (stick to Plan A) and win the toss and bat first. Green Gibbo lost the toss and the Foe elected to bat first.
Before the game commenced Green Gibbo produced a little something he had brought back from holiday with him. He described it as a “traditional alcoholic beverage of the region”; this is how it was described to him by the man at duty free who then must have muttered “sucker” under his breath because it would perhaps be better described as “fornication wine”. The bottle was passed around and the Eastonites bid to drink from it. And so it was that, after this un-holy communion, the slightly sozzled Eastonites took to the field and the Foe’s opening batsmen strode to the crease.
Kahlu and RT1 opened the bowling. The batsmen struggled with Kahlu and he went for just 18 runs off his 8 overs. RT1 also bowled well and was disappointed not to be awarded a caught behind, in fact astonished or incensed would have been a better description. This season poor RT1 has lost his previously unwavering faith in humanity and the human spirit due to batsmen not walking. Fast forward to RT1 in his dotage, bemused and alone he sits in his own foulings hunched in front of an electric fire, his small dishevelled flat is filled with yowling cats. He picks one of the cats up and strokes it saying “you would have walk, wouldn’t you Puss?” You, batsmen and umpires of the North Somerset League, You did this to him!
At drinks the Foe were on 58 for 1 and decided to accelerate, which caused Garnier and TT to get tonked a bit so Green Gibbo brought himself on and he got tonked a bit too, but eventually he picked up three wickets. The Foe’s youngster who had opened the innings hit 72 before being caught behind by Gretch , toing a wide (“a probing, exploratory ball”) and walking (hurray). At the other end Iggy bowled well and took 2 for 26 off 6 overs.
For a change the foliage was well behaved allowing the Eastonites to hold a few catches. Kahlu and Garnier both caught regulation catches while Grove pulled off what was independently verified, by the opposition scorer, as the best catch that anyone has ever seen, ever. Grove has held onto a couple of sharp ones at gully with his right hand this season but has also dropped a few on his left hand, in this match however he dropped the slightly easier chance on his right hand and caught one diving full stretch to his left.
At one point it had looked as though the Foe would score more than 180 but losing wickets had restricted them to around 160. Taken by the end of season spirit Green Gibbo gave Ormisher, who had not been allowed to bowl yet, the penultimate over. Ormisher duly responded with an over that only went for 3 runs. Consumed with his own infallibility Green Gibbo decided to give the last over to Preece, who has never bowled an over in league cricket before. Preece’s over went for 6… or had it? Reviewing the scorebook at tea Green Gibbo noticed that a 4 from Preece’s over had been recorded as 2 runs rather than a boundary. In a sporting gesture Green Gibbo amended the required total to 170. There was some speculation that Green Gibbo’s choice of bowlers for the last two overs had more to do with the recently installed Ladbrooks App on his iPhone and less to do with tactics. However, his plans were thwarted because the Foe never reached the 180 that his spot bet required.
The tea was a sumptuous affair in the English style. There were a few contentious points however: is Coronation Chicken English or not? Was it a product of the Raj? And if so was it invented in England or India? Wikipedia states that it was a dish invented in 1953 for the Queen’s coronation, and you don’t get much more English than that. It appears that in post war “austerity Britain” leftovers from Sunday’s roast chicken served with mayo and a bit of curry powder was a dish fit for a Queen. Further controversy raged over the fruit kebabs that had pineapple in them. “The word ‘pineapple’ in English was first recorded in 1398, when it was originally used to describe the reproductive organs of conifer trees”, said Garnier with his mouth rammed with fruit kebab, “and that makes it pretty fucking English in my book”. When questioned about how he could get so enthusiastic about anything that was not meat Garnier added “pineapple is the meat of the fruit world”; which leaves the astute reader wondering what the fruit of the meat world is? Garnier himself perhaps?
The crowning glory of the tea was rhubarb crumble cake. Just take a moment to imagine the genius that took rhubarb crumble and joined it seamlessly with cake. In a world where Apple can sue Samsung for a billion dollars over the patented movement of fingers across a touch sensitive screen it seems unfair that the person who invented rhubarb crumble cake probably got nothing. We must strive, brothers and sisters, for a world in which such genius is handsomely rewarded.
And so after more swigging from the bottle of the “traditional alcoholic beverage of the region” Grove and Ormisher strode manfully to the crease. Or at least Ormisher staggered slightly and Grove minced, wondering just how he had managed to get so much strawberry jam on his ‘whites’ during tea.
The booze had obviously affected Ormisher’s brain because he was twitching with wide saucer like eyes calling non-existent singles to every ball bowled. However, Grove was more worried that the pitch was too hard for him to mark a guard in, his feeble legs unable to push his spikes against the baked earth with sufficient force. In the end he had to get one of the fielders to do it for him, much to the amusement of the Foe’s wicket keeper. Exhausted by his guard-marking efforts and worried that someone would get the last bit of rhubarb crumble cake if he stayed at the crease too long, Grove threw away his wicket to an excellent leg-stump yorker.
Ormisher hung about for a while before being bowled by what he later described as “the best ball ever bowled”, a description that cost him a fine.
Preece and Bordi then put on a good stand. Preece ground out an inning of 37 and Bordi, looking like the Bordi of old (rather than the Old Bordi), hit 42 before being caught on the boundary. On 59 at drinks the scoring rate had to be picked up and Green Gibbo, who has been the master of patient batting this season, hit 35 of 32 balls. Iggy also contributed a valuable 9 off 8 balls before being stumped.
So, dear reader, we come to the final two overs. Green Gibbo and Kahlu are at the crease and the Foe bring back their best bowler, a flame hair kid who had already dispatched the Eastonites opening pair with two of the best balls ever bowled. With 13 required the Eastonites could only manage 5 off the penultimate over which left 8 needed to win. Green Gibbo then hit 2 runs off each of the first 3 balls of the last over, he turned down Kahlu’s call for a risky single off the 4th ball and was out, caught at mid-on off the 5th ball. The Eastonites thus needed 2 to win or 1 to tie off the last ball of the match with TT fresh at crease. The bowler ran in, Kahlu started to run from the non-stricker’s end, TT blocked the ball and ran… and Kahlu was run out at the wicket keepers end.
The Eastonites lost by 1 run.
How many ways did Green Gibbo lose the Eastonites this game? Let us count them:
- Forcing the team to drink the “traditional alcoholic beverage of the region”.
- Losing the toss: the boundaries slowed down considerable as the sun set and despite running a number of 3s, boundaries proved more difficult to get as the game progressed.
- Getting Preece to bowl the last over which went for 8 runs when Iggy was on 2 for 26 off 6 overs.
- Telling the opposition at tea that they had incorrectly scored a boundary in Preece’s over as 2 runs, thus the required total was 170 and not 168.
- On a decent wicket opening the batting with Grove and Ormisher who are both renowned for being very slow scorers; especially after imbibing “traditional alcoholic beverages of the region” and eating half a tonne of rhubarb crumble cake.
- Turning down a risky single off the 4th ball of the last over.
- Getting out on the 5th ball of the last over and thus needing a fresh batsman to hit 2 off the last ball.
Thus it was that The Great Green Gibbo was revealed to be nothing more than a mild mannered middle aged man with slight delusional tendencies and a beard. Oh well, religion is a load of old bollocks really. Isn’t it?
Angelo was voted as Man of the Match and Grove’s catch (independently verified as the greatest catch ever taken, ever) was voted in as the cider moment.
The Sun set on Midsomer Norton and the Eastonite’s season as a mobile disco was being set up at the club house for a 21st birthday party. The defeated Eastonites and their fallen idol set off for The Promised Plough, which required a belligerent and slightly aroused Garnier to be dragged kicking and screaming from the dance floor. That last sentence requires some clarification: the 21st birthday party included a buffet.
A Lost
04/09/2012
The Downs A Team lost their second match of the season against Snyed Park by 4 goals to nil.
They play Cotswool on Saturday, kick off is at 1430.
They Have Filed Their Reports
Kilchoan FC have written their trip to Berrow up in a most entertaining fashion.
And in case you haven’t seen the, no infamous, “You Need A Programme” video, here it is:
Post Tournament Party
You all done good so deserve a party to wind down after Skulduggery by the Sea. So briefs off for the debrief and everyone get down to the pub! Music, Stuff N Ting Till Late but please remember to leave quietly because this is a residential area and there are travelers trying to get some sleep on Packer’s Field.